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1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply
pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The
blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables
by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet
seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself
and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your
veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will
prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit
the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives,
then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and
you will forget about the toothache.



Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life
really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.



And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you
never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
 
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